Assignment 1 : Formal Letter(Descriptive Reflection)
Dear Professor Blackstone,
My name is Lee Junying from SIE2016, Effective Communication
T3. I am writing in today to introduce myself as well as to share the goals I want to
achieve upon completion of this module. Before enrolling into Singapore Institute of Technology, I have graduated from Republic Polytechnic with a Diploma in Aerospace Engineering. At the start, I did not
have much interest towards engineering and chose this diploma only because
my father, whom I looked up to, is an engineer. Throughout the years in polytechnic, my interest
towards designing and engineering problem solving grew. Even after graduating, I
served as a firefighter in Clementi Fire Station and realised the importance of
fire safety and prevention, especially for building fires. It was only then I knew that enrolling in Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering(Building Services) will be suitable for me.
One of my strengths in terms of communication
is the ability to speak with clarity and precision. While I was serving as a firefighter, I have to lead my team during operation and give clear and precise instructions in
a matter of seconds.There is no room for miscommunication as it could cause a fatal ending.
However, I lack the confidence when speaking to a large crowd. I can have perfect practices before
major presentations, but I tend to blank out during the actual presentation.
As an avid learner, I am not afraid to make mistakes and learn from them. I take every criticism as a stepping stone towards self-improvement and I believe that while I am under your guidance, I can overcome my fear of speaking to large crowd. In addition,I hope to further improve my skill set on communicating effectively.
Best regards,
Lee Junying
Revised on 15/9/2020
Commented on Clement's,Rue Hong's and Dexter's blog
Dear Junying,
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for this letter. You seem to cover all the elements required by the assignment.
It's very interesting for us readers to learn about your firefighting experience. I do have a question about one aspect of the content, when you write about "the importance of fire safety and prevention" as follows: "...especially in buildings where lives are at stake." Do you mean to say in "building fires"?
There are also some issues with language use:
1. the use of caps
-- SIE2016, effective communication T3 > ?
2. punctuation
-- because my father; whom I > ?
-- It was only then, I knew > ?
3. the use of transition phrases and/or other word use
-- To begin with, one of my strengths in terms of communication is the ability to speak with clarity and precision. > (What is beginning?)
-- Contrarily, one of my fallings ... > (check the dictionary)
-- I am not afraid to make mistakes and learn from it. > (mistakes = it?)
4. verb tense
-- Having to lead a team of firefighters during operation, I have to give ... > (Do you still work in the firestation?)
In any case, I appreciate your hard work and look forward to learning mopre from you.
Cheers,
Brad
Thank you professor Brad for correcting my letter. I will edit on those points and I appreciate your time and effort reading through multiple letters.
DeleteWow! I especially love the part where you shared about your firefighting experience! I totally agree that you have a way to communicate clearly and precisely as demonstrated through our interactions.
ReplyDeleteAlso like the part where you wrote “I am not afraid to makes mistakes”. I really respect that.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Junying,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Clement Ten, and I attend the same effective communication class as you. Thank you for posting up this formal letter as it was a pleasurable read. I particularly love the part where you shared your firefighting experience. I have to agree with you that you have a way of communicating clearly and precisely, as demonstrated through our interactions.
If I were allowed to grade this letter, I would give it full points on the side of the letter’s organization, content, and language. The content of your letter has a logical flow and you have also provided sufficient elaborations to your point. As to your language, I agree with the word choices and vocabulary.
Overall, I would say this is a good letter. Thank you for your time.
With regards,
Clement Ten
Dear Clement,
DeleteThank you for taking your time to read through my letter. I am pretty sure we will definitely work together for a long time as we are in the same group for a few of the modules.
Sincerely,
Junying
Hi Junying,
ReplyDeleteI really like your content. Who would have thought the person sitting beside me in class served as a firefighter. Now, I look at you in a different light!
I find your letter remarkable as you not only have an interesting content, you also showcased that you are an avid learner who will work towards self-improvement. You managed to input good use of vocabulary as well.
I hope you achieve what you desire by the end of this module!
Regards
Rue Hong
Dear Rue Hong,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read on my formal letter. I am glad that you find my points that I shared interesting and I hope to work with you more in the nearing future!
Best regards,
Junying
Hi Junying,
ReplyDeleteI found your letter fascinating to read especially the part on how you related your experience as a firefighter to enrolling in SIE.
For your content, all topics were elaborated with evidence. It was complete yet concise at the same time, making the letter easy to read. The elaboration allowed me to learn more about you on a personal level. Organisation of your letter is great and the flow is coherent.
Overall, your letter was straight to the point and interesting. Thank you for sharing more about yourself.
Regards,
Dorathy
Dear Dorathy,
DeleteThanks for taking the time to read my letter. I am glad that you found m points interesting. I will take note of the points you highlighted for my future writings. Thank you once again!
Best regards,
Junying
Hi Junying,
ReplyDeleteA firefighter? Very interesting and unexpected from you. I mean I do not think that we have interacted much but this introduction did piqued my interest to get to know you better. Your content and organisation was well thought of and that it has a flow throughout the whole letter.
In terms of language, you did have some mistakes here and there such as the inconsistent usage of your tenses. In some sentences, it would be in present and past tense in the very same sentence. However, it is just very minor and an easy fix.
I did share a similar experience in the fire department, although it was not really much of a hands on job like fighting a fire, but I interned in the smoke control company therefore the SCDF requirements and the Singapore Standards manuals are familiar to me. This also helped me work with fires and also designing smoke control systems. Maybe we would be able to share our experience some time during this journey and share the stories that we have. Anyways, I look forward to growing and learning from you as we embark on this journey together,
Regards
Nadia
Dear Nadia,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my formal letter. I am quite surprised that we used to work in similar field. Thank you for the points highlighted, I will take those into consideration and work on it.
Best regards,
Junying